Being Strong

You called again. I heard you cry.  I did my best to hold my tears in and portray myself as the emotionless being that I was so carefully crafting out of myself. I lost my strength when I heard your voice. The sound I longed to hear and feared at the same time. 54 minutes after then, I can still hear your voice in my head. I can hear you say that this might not be a good idea,to the dumb boy that fell in love with you 7 years ago, I can hear you cry out your sadness to the grown up that I have become. When you asked if I can move on, I heard your voice ask if the boy that made you all the promises is still alive somewhere.

He is still there, but he cannot stay. I have to kill him now. I can not keep him fighting the others. What you should know is that he’s changed too. He lost his mind the very day you stopped calling. He is in a dark place now, killing or getting killed is the only thing he knows. Nobody can blame him, it’s his life that they took away and changed everything that was his reality. No he cannot be let out. 

The new being is stronger, better and emotionless. But the boy draws strength from your voice messages and memories. If he breaks away it’s the end for all. 

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Quiet

For once I thought it would have been  nice to have someone to talk to.
The quietness shows a lot around you,it consumes me each time I’m by myself. 
I can listen to every sound, watch every flicker of the lights.
I remember hiding away from people to have some alone time.
Alone time  is all around now.
Like I have been craving all the while, while I was implanted in the midst of humanity.
Now that I have it, I don’t know what to do with it.
Now, finally, for once, it would have been nice to have someone to share all the sounds I hear in my head(my own and others’) and all the lights I see. Now finally it doesn’t matter when I have got what I wanted!!

silence

Silence. Empty. He told himself a million times he shud’nt have done this. Not alone. The TV now seemed like a life line. Each time the show stopped and silence filled the room like a black ink, He could hear his heartbeat. Each time the screen paused, he could hear the air, the droplets from the leaky pipe. Each time he heard these voices, sound from of silence, he kept asking why did he do this alone. He had to. It was not a trip. It was running away. To be as far as he could from the blind pain that tortured him. To hear how people thought him being alone was ok, and she being with someone else was really important. For once he pleaded if he had someone to hold on. To hug. To hold. To cry on. The thought that it’s going to be empty tiny room. 

You and I

It’s been a long time since I have heard your voice or seen your face, don’t misunderstand me, no I don’t miss our toxic togetherness. We created a world together, put in all our insecurities and our weaknesses and then some evil. We went ahead and called it love while our brains exploded with questions and doubts and uncertainty! ”Will this work?”, ”does he really love me?”Questions…words….flying all over the place….Our brains were clattered with those conversations that we had had and the arguments for the future. Enough was enough, we couldn’t do it anymore, you didn’t think it would work and finally I didn’t either. So we called it quits and went in opposite ways(well technically not, since we lived only a few minutes away),only so that you could get obsessed with me. Now you are saying that you know for sure that I’m the poison that you’d love to drink every single day for the rest of your life, that we could burn this world to the ground and play with the ashes while we stay high on the flames of our darkness and all I have to do is say ”yes”.

Photographer

He was up before anyone in the neighbourhood, walking up slowly to the door, took the newspaper from the rack and picked up the milk. There would be no one around at this hour but his eyes searched for a familiar face. Closing the netted door behind him he slowly walked towards the kitchen counter. The newspaper dint seem to amuse him much,he knew it had nothing that could hold his attention. As he picked up the pan to make his milk,his hands shivered, he knew it was his body’s signal for his medication. Leaving the pan in the sink, he walked up to the Pill machine. He smiled as the machine pleasantly wished him a good morning while popping out his medicines. This was the only voice he heard all day, though it was not a real voice, he made it a point to wish it back.”Good Morning Pilly” he wished as he swallowed the red, yellow and green tablets. “Turn on the television please” he said to the silent room,as the smart home system moved the blinds and let the morning light in. The only reason he switched on th TV was to drive out the silence that had stayed around. 8 years now, the TV stayed on from the morning till the Smart Home turned it off at night. The news had pain and suffering,of which he had his share.The shows mocked the latest styles and icons, about which he knew nothing!

He took out the old dusting cloth from the kitchen cupboard and made it to the mantel alongside the window. He had set all his cameras there. From a DSLR to an Instax, it was all there. If these little eyes could re-live every moment they saw, he would have once again been the little boy who took pictures of trees for his friend. 

Alice In Wonderland

Walked back to her bed, and fell like a log,supremely bored,it had been days since she had done anything worth talking about. She was back after college,lazing around the whole day pointlessly and bored. She had her mind fixed on what she had to do oncej she returned to her nest. With guests at home she had to make her burrow hallway. She dozed off and time slipped away,into the rabbit hole. She found herself in a new place. A lot of new faces, some familiar faces and then some who had changed. She found a little nest by the big yellow road behind the Indian market. 

Everything was a wonder to her, the leaves on the tree, the flower on the side walk even the dogs that followed her home! 

On the fourth day of her arrival she was taken to the Red Queen, of the furious persona, the subjects quivered and were frightened to talk to her. But to her amazement and amusement,the queen behaved wonderfully with little Alice. Took Alice to her little lab, showed her her place to work happily ever after, or so she thought. 

Then came the mad hatter. She had seen someone like him in the real world. Unlike her, he had been in the wonderland for quite sometime. It had taken a toll on him, but every time they met he made it a point to make her laugh. 

The first time, he had taken her to his little tea party at the Street. Him and the twins  made it a point to make it all about the meeting. She was tired but they made it turn right about. Then she took them to her old nest. 

He was mad she could see it, they walked and talked. And he saw her magic. Everything she touched turned beautifull, she tamed the scariest beast to follow her home, her delicate touch to the leaves made them emerald green. He was happy. And he would go mad when he was happy!!

The Red queen made her life miserable but some how she found ways to make it up to herself. Find joy in her little things. 

And finally her Prince Valiant found her. In a ball gathering of all the creatures of the wonderland she found him. His words and acts made her just watch him in amusement.He was wise like the elder, sweet like any prince should be. 

Then  went to the night of the grand festival. Every creature was there the squirrels, the mice, the butterflies and all her favourite people. The mad Hatter did his crazy dance. The twins did their bit. Even the Red Queen tried to moved her body to the songs and tunes.

As Alice tried to step up with Mad Hatter, the prince walked in,held her hand, told her how the stars would shine over the woods on new moon day and how it would be his honor to hold her hand while  they watched it. She din’t waste a moment to take his hand and run through the woods. Everything had ceased to exist in her mind, all she could see was them watching the stars holding hands. Before she could reach the clearing in the woods she tripped on a branch. She quickly tried to pick herself up but someone helped her.She knew it was’nt the prince.She opened her eyes and found herself at the cafe. 

There were no rabbits, no squirrels, no woodland or it’s creatures. Awake from her dream, she swiped her card, smiled at the lady in the counter and walked out to the real world.

“It sure looks like a different world out here” 

She heard a familiar voice. It was the Hatter, in a suit.

“Oh don’t look so surprised, I will always be around” he said as he walked away in his new attaire but the same crazy smile.

Midnight Madness

They had met a few weeks ago at a pub;when her friend,who was also his friend’s friend,visited. The conversations were going to be never ending, they didn’t know then!!!

March 2,2017

12.00am: She texted a birthday wish to him and said that she would like to wish him in voice when he is not busy. He called her, she wished him and they ‘spoke for hours and hours about sweet and sour’.

7.30am: She turned her alarm off and went back to sleep.

8.00am: Tossing and turning she willed herself to get out of bed, looked outside her room and she saw a beehive under construction. Smiled a little and thanked God for giving her the bees(that she always wanted).

8.45 am: There was a bee trapped in the room, she went and looked at it flutter around and eventually cease all movement and be completely still. It took her a few moments to comprehend that it had died in front of her eyes. A feeling of helpless washed all over her, she din’t understand anything, it was the first time she ‘saw’ something die.

9.00 am: She called to wake him up!(she just wanted to listen to the sound of his voice)

9.28 am: The last one of the myrade of her morning alarms rang and she ran down the stairs and marched to work.

10.41 am: She looked at her phone and blushed at the screen. Her colleague teased her.

11.15 am: Her dad surprised her and came to meet her. 

1.23 pm: Texted, ”lunched?”

2.45 pm: She panicked a little bit about what to wear that day for their date.

5.00 pm: Picked up a few(7) cupcakes for him. Talked to a friend and got late(as usual).

7.29 pm: She asked him to guess his gift and he remained clueless in the cutest way!! They had a few drinks(beer, wine and an LIT; specifically in that order)…They walked, laughed,saw the trees with leaves that shone like fluorescent bulbs, star gazed and she looked at him with suspicion when he said the brightest one was a planet!!

11.49 pm: He asked her for his birthday kiss. They kissed for the first  time and he whispered in her ear, ”I like you a lot”.

…..to be continued!