You and I

It’s been a long time since I have heard your voice or seen your face, don’t misunderstand me, no I don’t miss our toxic togetherness. We created a world together, put in all our insecurities and our weaknesses and then some evil. We went ahead and called it love while our brains exploded with questions and doubts and uncertainty! ”Will this work?”, ”does he really love me?”Questions…words….flying all over the place….Our brains were clattered with those conversations that we had had and the arguments for the future. Enough was enough, we couldn’t do it anymore, you didn’t think it would work and finally I didn’t either. So we called it quits and went in opposite ways(well technically not, since we lived only a few minutes away),only so that you could get obsessed with me. Now you are saying that you know for sure that I’m the poison that you’d love to drink every single day for the rest of your life, that we could burn this world to the ground and play with the ashes while we stay high on the flames of our darkness and all I have to do is say ”yes”.


He was up before anyone in the neighbourhood, walking up slowly to the door, took the newspaper from the rack and picked up the milk. There would be no one around at this hour but his eyes searched for a familiar face. Closing the netted door behind him he slowly walked towards the kitchen counter. The newspaper dint seem to amuse him much,he knew it had nothing that could hold his attention. As he picked up the pan to make his milk,his hands shivered, he knew it was his body’s signal for his medication. Leaving the pan in the sink, he walked up to the Pill machine. He smiled as the machine pleasantly wished him a good morning while popping out his medicines. This was the only voice he heard all day, though it was not a real voice, he made it a point to wish it back.”Good Morning Pilly” he wished as he swallowed the red, yellow and green tablets. “Turn on the television please” he said to the silent room,as the smart home system moved the blinds and let the morning light in. The only reason he switched on th TV was to drive out the silence that had stayed around. 8 years now, the TV stayed on from the morning till the Smart Home turned it off at night. The news had pain and suffering,of which he had his share.The shows mocked the latest styles and icons, about which he knew nothing!

He took out the old dusting cloth from the kitchen cupboard and made it to the mantel alongside the window. He had set all his cameras there. From a DSLR to an Instax, it was all there. If these little eyes could re-live every moment they saw, he would have once again been the little boy who took pictures of trees for his friend. 

Alice In Wonderland

Walked back to her bed, and fell like a log,supremely bored,it had been days since she had done anything worth talking about. She was back after college,lazing around the whole day pointlessly and bored. She had her mind fixed on what she had to do oncej she returned to her nest. With guests at home she had to make her burrow hallway. She dozed off and time slipped away,into the rabbit hole. She found herself in a new place. A lot of new faces, some familiar faces and then some who had changed. She found a little nest by the big yellow road behind the Indian market. 

Everything was a wonder to her, the leaves on the tree, the flower on the side walk even the dogs that followed her home! 

On the fourth day of her arrival she was taken to the Red Queen, of the furious persona, the subjects quivered and were frightened to talk to her. But to her amazement and amusement,the queen behaved wonderfully with little Alice. Took Alice to her little lab, showed her her place to work happily ever after, or so she thought. 

Then came the mad hatter. She had seen someone like him in the real world. Unlike her, he had been in the wonderland for quite sometime. It had taken a toll on him, but every time they met he made it a point to make her laugh. 

The first time, he had taken her to his little tea party at the Street. Him and the twins  made it a point to make it all about the meeting. She was tired but they made it turn right about. Then she took them to her old nest. 

He was mad she could see it, they walked and talked. And he saw her magic. Everything she touched turned beautifull, she tamed the scariest beast to follow her home, her delicate touch to the leaves made them emerald green. He was happy. And he would go mad when he was happy!!

The Red queen made her life miserable but some how she found ways to make it up to herself. Find joy in her little things. 

And finally her Prince Valiant found her. In a ball gathering of all the creatures of the wonderland she found him. His words and acts made her just watch him in amusement.He was wise like the elder, sweet like any prince should be. 

Then  went to the night of the grand festival. Every creature was there the squirrels, the mice, the butterflies and all her favourite people. The mad Hatter did his crazy dance. The twins did their bit. Even the Red Queen tried to moved her body to the songs and tunes.

As Alice tried to step up with Mad Hatter, the prince walked in,held her hand, told her how the stars would shine over the woods on new moon day and how it would be his honor to hold her hand while  they watched it. She din’t waste a moment to take his hand and run through the woods. Everything had ceased to exist in her mind, all she could see was them watching the stars holding hands. Before she could reach the clearing in the woods she tripped on a branch. She quickly tried to pick herself up but someone helped her.She knew it was’nt the prince.She opened her eyes and found herself at the cafe. 

There were no rabbits, no squirrels, no woodland or it’s creatures. Awake from her dream, she swiped her card, smiled at the lady in the counter and walked out to the real world.

“It sure looks like a different world out here” 

She heard a familiar voice. It was the Hatter, in a suit.

“Oh don’t look so surprised, I will always be around” he said as he walked away in his new attaire but the same crazy smile.

Midnight Madness

They had met a few weeks ago at a pub;when her friend,who was also his friend’s friend,visited. The conversations were going to be never ending, they didn’t know then!!!

March 2,2017

12.00am: She texted a birthday wish to him and said that she would like to wish him in voice when he is not busy. He called her, she wished him and they ‘spoke for hours and hours about sweet and sour’.

7.30am: She turned her alarm off and went back to sleep.

8.00am: Tossing and turning she willed herself to get out of bed, looked outside her room and she saw a beehive under construction. Smiled a little and thanked God for giving her the bees(that she always wanted).

8.45 am: There was a bee trapped in the room, she went and looked at it flutter around and eventually cease all movement and be completely still. It took her a few moments to comprehend that it had died in front of her eyes. A feeling of helpless washed all over her, she din’t understand anything, it was the first time she ‘saw’ something die.

9.00 am: She called to wake him up!(she just wanted to listen to the sound of his voice)

9.28 am: The last one of the myrade of her morning alarms rang and she ran down the stairs and marched to work.

10.41 am: She looked at her phone and blushed at the screen. Her colleague teased her.

11.15 am: Her dad surprised her and came to meet her. 

1.23 pm: Texted, ”lunched?”

2.45 pm: She panicked a little bit about what to wear that day for their date.

5.00 pm: Picked up a few(7) cupcakes for him. Talked to a friend and got late(as usual).

7.29 pm: She asked him to guess his gift and he remained clueless in the cutest way!! They had a few drinks(beer, wine and an LIT; specifically in that order)…They walked, laughed,saw the trees with leaves that shone like fluorescent bulbs, star gazed and she looked at him with suspicion when he said the brightest one was a planet!!

11.49 pm: He asked her for his birthday kiss. They kissed for the first  time and he whispered in her ear, ”I like you a lot”.

… be continued!

The news dilemma

When a friend of a friend asked if I could write a few pieces for their collage magazine, I was dumbstruck and had no idea what to write about. My mind had drawn a complete blank when he said I could write something about current politics. It had been forever since I had read or watched the news,so what could I have written about? But why did I have to write about something current and political for it to be relevant enough to be read? Too many questions plagued my mind,as usual.

Why did I stop reading/watching the news in the first place? Was it only because everything I read or saw was immensely sad,terrible and horrible? Like nothing happened in this world other than people killing each other in the name of religion and caste and what not; women being groped,molested,raped,tortured and killed(not necessarily in that order); countries waging war against each other for God alone knows what;or which celebrity was seen with whom and what they are doing in life(because that information is very very essential for our existance). Or was it because I realised that my knowing or not knowing of all these sad happenings did not in any way influence the outcome? A kind of coward move, you could say for argument’s sake. But how have those who do keep themselves updated on these everyday happenings changed this world? Like for example when the US of the A sent their troops to Iraq and turned it into a pile of rubble and murdered the people of that nation,under the guise of saving the world from an imminent nuclear attack,who stopped them? The whole world full of educated, uneducated, literate, illiterate, geniuses and idiots all alike just stood there and watched,because who could stop The Big Guy and risk getting beaten up. And of all those scientific achievements that we keep making,I am truly not a fan. Why try to find water on Mars, when you could easily preserve the resources on our own Earth? Or was it because I understand that all the news that we watch are adulterated;cooked,garnished and served to suit the needs of those Big Guys and their rich friends.

This is not advocating a ‘no news’ campaign. This is me urging for better journalism,better rulers and most importantly better human beings. This world is filled with immense beauty and it would just be a sin to spend our lifetimes polluting and corrupting and killing it and each other. 

The story of 5 cakes

Hellloooooo loveliessss!!!! Ummm… I mean, a big hello to all of you from this wannabe writer(who feels the need to write about every single thing coz that’s the only way she could be a real writer, eventually, one day, hopefully).But the story of five cakes is not a silly something I decided to emphasize on just so that I would get a piece of writing out of  it, they are things that made me so very happy and filled my heart with immense joy. So here goes the story of 5 cakes.
Cake 1:

The delivery boy waited outside the clinic with her cake and she knew it but she pretended like she didn’t(as best as she could). She said, ”Dr.M, you are acting very weird”. She was happy but not surprised. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, how could she explain that to the people who were trying to surprise her? Should she have pretended to be surprised? I don’t know and I’m still puzzled. But she was very very happy that there were people in her life who wished her all the happiness in this world and genuinely tried to keep the smile on her face.

Cake 2: 

Her sister was on the phone and said,”then we have to plan something”, so she pretended like she didn’t hear that. They went back home and her family pulled out a yellow little cake which said ‘Happy Birthday Ammukutty(without space)’. Well, again she wasn’t really surprised but then her nieces gave her lovely little drawings, scribbles and chocolate. Her heart filled with warmth and she was doing her dramatic ‘fake cry’  so that she wouldn’t actually end up crying(due to overjoy of course).

Cake 3:

On the morning of her birthday,her new roommate had just gotten back from home and asked her if she could help cut a cake,without having any clue that it was her birthday, she said yes and cut that cake. It amused her so very much,like what were the chances!!

Cake 4:

She had so many grown up plans for her ‘turning silver’ birthday like going to the bank and finishing up the grocery shopping. Instead she went to her cousin’s home(cousin who is more like a sister,except when she forgets to share major life changing details like when one of their sisters are pregnant and stuff like that), her sister said she would make her lunch and asked her to take something out from the oven. And there it was cake 4. She cut that cake and saw  all those colorful layers popping up, her heart leaped with child-like joy. They  were just watching TV  and being lazy when her sister asked if she would like to go for a walk, she said yes but she was somehow a little sacred because she had no clue what her sister was upto. Then she had a thought, maybe she didn’t like being surprised like she thought she did. so they walked around for a while and sat down eventually.

Sister: Do you want a leaf for your book?

She: That would be great!!

Sister: What about a photograph instead? (Pulls out a Polaroid camera )

She: *cries*

Cake 5:

She came back to her room and found out that her roommate had gone out to get her a cake. She was starting to feel like such a spoiled little brat!!! They sang happy birthday,she made a wish and blew the candles out and that was a wrap to ‘turning silver’.

Thank you to all the 5 cakes, their stories, the people who created these stories because they cared enough to try to create a smile.  It would not be possible to explain in words how much it means,how much happiness and warmth and joy it has created and how special it all felt. So thank you a million times. And to elusive big surprise that I missed, its okay, i dint really miss you in between all the ‘being happy’. Lots and lots of love…


Cake 6: A month and  10 days after her birthday there came cake no 6. It was totally unexpected and she thought it was unnecessary but then someone said,”we did not know you then”.To the warm feelings that never stopped with the end of the ‘birthday’,to friend’s friends who became friends and to the world that keeps the smile on my face…Thank you is not enough…But still thank you very very much!




Adios 2016…

To: 2016

How can I begin to bid you adieu when I’m still hung up over you?

 You kept pushing me forward,willing me to be the best version of myself that I could be!

You gave me my degree.It is also you who read all of the 816 pages of Anna Karenina to me,told me all the meanings of all those words I could not comprehend,walked me through the royal Russian streets and introduced me to Vronsky and Lenin and Karenin.You were there by my side when I wrote all the things I wrote lamenting the frustration of having to be away from the centre of my world. And you were there when my sister got married. You were with me being puzzled whenever I had to make an important decision (but I obviously couldn’t ask anyone for help #cozigotproblems). You held my super sweaty hands for my first job interview and led me through all the questions while I was crumbling into a pile of nervousness. You took me for vaccations. You gave me a  sister. You taught me a million things and you protected me. You cried with me for all those silly things that hurt me and empathised with the fact that I can still not get over the loss of my grandmother,its been 2 years,maybe I never will. You are in all the photographs being my smile and in  all the memories being the nostalgic fondness.

I can’t say bye, so in my mere vile human capacity  let me hope against hope that I will see you again. Cheers to better times. I’ll miss you,till I see you.

Loads and loads of love,