She creaks a little,
she’s gotten all dusty,
a little loud,
a little awkward,
laying around the corner,
of the big house(with the big family).
In her old house she did so much more,
she brought so much joy,
she made so many memories,
yet they gave her away.
(who needs consent from pieces of furniture!!)
Will they ever see,
who she truly is,
what she really is made of,
or will all her preciousness be used to accumulate only dust!!
I say your name like a spell, an evil spell!
Waiting for your venom to fill my veins,
You always come, drenched in your toxic glory,
Harass your way through to the brittle parts of me.
You offer me a spot next to you on the throne,
Urge me to give in, succumb to the patriarchy!
Lets burn this galaxy down,
With the strength of our poisons,
Lets turn it all to ash and dust,
And revel in the beauty of our creation!
(only if you agree to all the terms and conditions)
”I switched to tea so that nobody can tell me I’m addicted to coffee”
Nobody is the boy with the smile I cannot stop obsessing over,
Nobody is the boy with the DIY ripped jeans and half waxed underarms,
Nobody is the boy with the relationship fatness,
Nobody is the boy who likes to make games,
Nobody is a gold fish,
Nobody is not really nobody,
Nobody is really someone.
From 5 floors up, at night, the world below looks like a giant ball of darkness dotted with tiny red, white lights and the occasional reds, greens and yellows. So when life gives you a little less attention and you don’t know what else to do, you look at those lights and you obsess till you find the most absurd analogies and patterns. Lights stood patiently in line to be let through the darkness, they blinked yellow in confusion, flashed a bit of red to warn the other lights. The lights were clear about their feelings and their statuses quite unlike the humans that controlled them, who happened to be here, there, everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. For instance the human controlling the patient light wasn’t really patient, the confused light’s human was just waiting his turn.
We wait weeks to meet each other and finally when we do, we watch the football matches and the cars on the roads. We create relationships and then kill it with our insecurities and our insensitivity. We talk but never of the things that matter, we avoid the most important questions like plague(if I ignore it, it doesn’t exist. Everything is perfect). The lights seem to have it all figured, when will I ever know?
Do you know how long it takes to delete 63414 messages?
A long while.
As opposed to the ‘it’ll be over in a second’ theory I had in mind,
As all the words of endearment, the silly fights, the making up to each other and everything we said to each other disappeared,
Despite my panick stricken efforts to make the machine stop,
Even though I was the one that set it in motion,
Pain filled my heart.
There I was,
She kept hearing his voices, she tried to hush him and make him stop buzzing in her head. He was always there but now he was getting stronger. There would always be a ‘but’ and there always were terms and conditions in everything he ever told her. It wasnt because she wasn’t perfect but she couldn’t be who she was, she had to change, she had to let him live in her body. He said he loved her a 9 out of 10 but don’t think too much, she had to go and that was final. Then he started feeding her his potions, she began to change, she was getting stronger and her voice was not her voice anymore. As she changed little by little she began to realise that this is who she always wanted to be,the voices were her own and she just wanted to inhabit this world as him!
Memories lay in old cupboards and drawers, covered in dust and forgotten with time. I walked around the house I grew up in, walked around talking to myself, talking of silly stuff and stupid stuff like when we were 7 year olds like Esta and Rahel(Arundhathi Roy’s dizygotic twins). I looked around,I looked around for something specific and all my senses searched for signs of her. Her,the matriarch, the strongest woman I had ever seen, the one we lost 3 years ago, our grandmother.So it was for her that I searched in a house that I had only almost always inhabited with her. Yes it was strange to find that she had been slowly erased by us who were now inhabiting her space, we had slowly mopped and dusted the minute remenants of her physical presence.The pungent smells of her oils were gone, her silver white strands were absent and no one came to force over-feed me breakfast,lunch or dinner. I failed to find her in her own house, she was all gone just like our Sunday morning phone calls. It was time to leave and I didn’t know if or when I’ll be back. I went to shower and then suddenly as I stepped into the already wet bathroom floor a medimix smell greeted me and there I found her again and she wasn’t gone, never would. Now I leave in peace, with a smile on my lips and smelling like medimix.